effort

I have a habit of staring someone in the face when I’m trying to understand, and I continue staring hard a few seconds after people do in normal conversation, trying to absorb some meaning from it. This freaks people out, even if you shoot a quick, strained smile when they look back at you funny. Also, when I’m trying hard, my facial expression looks to most people like abject fear, not effort. And then there’s the fact that some questions are just completely unexpected (“how many children do you have?”) and it takes some confirmation before I realize they’re serious.